Monday, September 19, 2005

lost friend

I once had a friend who was the very best kind, the kind you would have lunch with a few times a week, go to Target with a few times a week, have Slurpees from 7-11, watch silly movies, play dodgeball with your children in the living room, plan enrichment nights with, etc., etc., just share your life with. The kind of friend that if either of you moved away from each other, you knew that the friendship would not end, it would only be stronger because you had to work harder to keep it going. I had that kind of a friend once. Then something happened. What, I do not know, but it was if she had died, no longer existed. My calls were not returned, not even answered, for months. Then I gave up calling. I went through the grieving process of confusion, anger, sadness, and then acceptance that she chose not to be a part of my life. Many tears I have cried over this lost friendship…even now.

Then, last Wednesday, she called. It was weird. We talked like we hadn't stopped talking, like there hadn't been almost a three year gap since we last talked. It was surreal. When I got off the phone I was numb. I didn’t know what to think. Was that really her? What had changed that she wanted to include me in her life again? Should I let her? Should I set myself up for that hurt again that is still so real?

She gave me her web site address and after reading her site, my life has changed and not so much for the good. I learned things about her that made me cry out loud. I learned things about her past that she had touched on before but never really talked about, sad and terrible things that had happened to her as she was growing up. Then I found another web site of hers and was shocked. Who is this person? Where is my friend??? Where are you???

Maybe she really did die.

4 comments:

brittany said...

I'm intrigued...what a strange thing. what if she reads this? did you ever find out why she stopped calling? maybe she has a mental illness you didn't know about. I want answers, dang it!

brittany said...

ps-i like your new look. i liked the pink too, but i haven't seen this one before...it's very pleasant.

Alli said...

no mental illness...just a life change. I did die, but was reborn. I never stopped loving you, kiddo. I stopped having the urge to even breathe...I was trapped with someone who made me wish I was dead. He's gone now and I'm back. I still love you, you're the best friend I've ever had.

Alli said...

ps, that other website...its not mine. Its Kristen a girl in Washington State and I share. She uses my login to post her real feelings, then I post occasional ones of me too. Nobody knows its both of us. It started as a project at Central (Ellensburg Washington University) as an assignment to blog for her class and it turned into her major venting ground. Her family found it (probably how you did) and she told them it was me so we put my name on it so they didn't kill her (she was home schooled...does that answer the question of "who are these people?") Her family would kill her. Just so you know. I occasionally put pictures of my kids on there and news of me and Mike to make it believable. Anyway, thats the dealio. I'm still wearing my G's and she's now graduating in May with a degree in English Lit. Sometimes things aren't what they seem...